Day of the Living Ken
by Lex Sora
Summary: Welcome to the New Year and it starts with a bang for Yugi, Yami and...Joey. But what's this about a Malibu Ken doll? And Sailor...who! RR onegai minna


Well, welcome to our first YGO fic. Isn't it?  
  
Cell: Uh, yeah.  
  
DD: Mostly.  
  
Riight. Anyway, summary!  
  
DD: Summary: Welcome to the New Year. And it starts off with a bang for Yami, Yugi, and...Joey. But what does a Malibu Ken® doll have to do with this? And...Sailor who?!  
  
Yeah, it's as weird as it sounds. F'ed-up character death, silliness, and yeah.  
  
Disclaimer: We just own the story, anything else we'll say so.  
  
Based mostly off an old Twilight Zone episode called "Living Doll", so yeah. Think that's about it!  
  
Cell: Yeah.  
  
Enjoy! ____________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
It was a brand New Year, a happy year! Yugi displayed this and his gayness as he jogged happily down the stairs.  
  
"It's the new year! Woo!" He sang merrily. He did a few cheesy back flips and danced around some more.  
  
"Happy New Year Grandpa!" he sang.  
  
"Happy New Year!" Sugoroku replied, briefly pulling away from his activities that involved using a young girl's face as a toilet seat.  
  
"Happy New Year nonexistent puppy!" Yugi sang to the wall, and surprisingly there was a merry bark in reply. Yugi danced his way into the living room where Yami sat hunched over.  
  
"Happy New Year Yami!"  
  
"Oh bah humbug." came the gruff reply. Yugi moonwalked back to his sad companion and peered over, perplexed over how someone could be sad in this wonderful, new year.  
  
"Why the long face ol' chum-I mean, Yami?"  
  
"Oh, it's nothing aibou, continue dancing." Yami said with a sigh so miserable Yugi's fragile little heart broke five times over.  
  
"How can I dance when you are so sad?" Yami was about to reply when suddenly a loud, thumping beat came out of nowhere. Picture frames and china rattled off shelves and Yugi and Yami bounced in their seats.  
  
"W-w-what i-i-i-is th-th-that?!" Yami shouted through his clattering teeth.  
  
"N-n-n-n-no c-c-clue!" Yugi called. From behind the couch popped a dark figure. Yami and Yugi clutched each other, screamed, and rolled off the couch.  
  
"AAH!"  
  
"Hey, hey, hey! No screamin' here!" came a familiar voice. The banging beat stopped and the two blonds on the floor looked up and screamed again.  
  
"Joey!?" They cried in unison.  
  
"Yeh boyees, dat's me!" Joey was decked out in a wife beater which stopped right above his blue and white stripped boxer shorts, with black pants that were five sizes too big and sagged almost to his knees. On his feet were black and white Nike running shoes that went quite nicely with his black skullcap.  
  
"Joey, what are you doing here? And what are you wearing?!" Yugi shouted. Joey nodded his head to an invisible beat and said, "It's my new style home boy!"  
  
"It's that time of the month, isn't it?" Yami whispered to Yugi who nodded. It was obviously Joey's "Pre-mid-life-identity-crisis" time, and he could not have picked a more horrid time.  
  
"Uh, whatever you say. But what are you doing here? HOW did you get IN?"  
  
"Ya ol' man let me in son. I was wond'rin', you wanna head on out to da toy store? Dey got some badass equipment that I would like to purchase."  
  
Yugi thought this over. Go into a toy store full of children and adults with a wannabe thug who worked the part quite well, or...well, what was he planning to do anyway?  
  
"Well, uh, why not? Hey, Yami, wanna go with us? Might cheer you up a little!"  
  
"Remember the last time we went to the toy store?!" Yami screamed pulling at his hair. Yugi looked at him in confusion.  
  
"You mean the old lady that pinched your butt a lot?"  
  
"YES! IT WAS HOOORRRIIIBLLLE!" Yami closed his eyes and pulled himself into a fetal position. Yugi and Joey watched the man on the floor shake and cry with deep concern. At last, Yugi grabbed Yami's shoulders and flipped him over, only to find that he was out cold.  
  
"...He fell asleep." Yugi said flatly.  
  
"Well, it _is_ noon."  
  
"Let's just...go."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Everyone piled into Joey's pick-up truck with the gold rims. Yugi and Joey "placed" Yami in the backseat and strapped him in. Inside the car, leopard print fur covered the dashboard, as well as the seats and the floor. The steering wheel was huge with a rusted chain wrapped around it. To complete the look, black, fuzzy dice with white Roman numerals hung from the rearview mirror.  
  
"Whoa, now this is a car!" Yugi marveled with wide eyes.  
  
"I know! I got it from an FBI garage sale type thing." Joey said as he stuck a pocketknife with a "Muthafuckas Be Trippin' Aye!" key-chain dangling from it in the ignition. In truth, he'd hijacked the car months earlier, which explained the lack of a license plate on the car.  
  
"FBI garage sale?"  
  
"Yeah, garage sale."  
  
"Oh. Wait, what's the FB-" Before Yugi could finish his question, Joey fish- tailed off the sidewalk and shot down the street. In the back, Yami moaned and began lightly snoring. Yugi held on to the door handle for dear life while Joey drove on, completely undaunted.  
  
"JOEY! Slow down, the store's just up the street!"  
  
"Yeah, but we'll get there faster!" Joey swirled into the main parking lot of the toy store, 'Le Stuff Depot'. After crashing into a smaller car, bumping it out of the way, he parked and immediately hopped out of the car. Yugi fell forward on his face and Yami moaned once again in the back.  
  
"Yo, Yugster, c'mon son! Before dey close!"  
  
"They don't close until midnight, Joey." Yugi muttered from his position on the floor. Joey ignored him, eyes darting around nervously as he bounced on the balls of his feet. Once the shock of doing the equivalent of running the 100-meter dash in under 40 seconds passed over, Yugi opened the car door and promptly rolled out. Joey was dragging Yami out of the backseat as Yugi was getting to his feet.  
  
"Here we are! Rise 'n shine homeboy!" Joey said. Yugi turned towards the store, took two steps, then stopped cold when he heard a loud "SWACK!" noise and a gargled "ow!" Yugi slowly turned around, afraid of what he might see, and his worst fears were confirmed when he saw Yami lying on the ground with a rather large hand-shaped mark on his face.  
  
"Joey, you didn't!"  
  
"Di'n't what? I jus' bopped him a lil to get 'em goin'."  
  
"...Joey...you don't _slap_ Yami."  
  
"What de hell you talkin' 'bout shawtey?"  
  
"Back away from the body, just back away from the body!" Yet, it was too late for Joey, as a huge, hulking figure appeared behind him. Joey had just enough time to shriek like a little girl before the figure grabbed him. Yugi had gotten two steps before the figure grabbed him as well, and shot to the store.  
  
"TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS! LOTS AND LOTS OF TOYS!"  
  
Malik squealed in delight inside the toy store, dancing and prancing around, stealing balloons from kids and snatching toys off the shelves right before their eyes. Malik bounced around the electronics aisle, running over old ladies with remote control cars and planes, and cackling wildly as he went. Who knew these people could have so much fun?  
  
"I got your weapons of mass destruction right here!" Malik said with a chuckle as he steered a remote control airplane around the store at a frightening speed. Dangling off the toy was a small girl, squealing and shrieking as the propeller's grip on her hair tightened. People dodged and tried to save the little girl, all in vain. She was on her way out the building when the plane collided with a tall figure.  
  
"GAAH!" The figure screamed.  
  
"AIIIIIEEE!" The girl shrieked as she was flung from the airplane and out the store. The figure groaned on the ground and two smaller figures appeared from under it.  
  
"Owwww..."  
  
"Hey, who messed up my aero-kiddy?!" Malik shouted, running to the front of the store. He stopped dead when he saw who the figures were.  
  
"Yami? What the fuck?" Yami stood up and groaned, rubbing the bruise on his head. He blinked at Malik before jumping back in surprise, stepping on Joey's hand as he did.  
  
"Malik? What are you doing here?"  
  
"Asked you first."  
  
"...Did not."  
  
"Did too."  
  
"Did not."  
  
"Did too!" Malik shouted, voice bordering on whining. The entire building went deathly silent, and Yugi tried to squirm by unnoticed.  
  
"Did. Not!"  
  
"DID TOO!"  
  
"DID NOT-NOT!"  
  
"DID TOO-TOO-TOO!"  
  
"Did not to infinity!"  
  
"NOOOOOO!" Malik screamed in defeat and everyone cheered as Yami pulled a victory dance off. Yami somehow danced his way into the 'Girls 5-12' aisle and would have continued dancing if it weren't for Joey's screaming.  
  
"Yami, watch out son!"  
  
Yami stopped mid-victory dance and turned around to see what he had nearly run into. What he saw was a giant wall of...pink. Yami went temporarily blind and staggered, groping at air and the pink wall. Finally, he grabbed something. It wasn't a box, rather it felt like a...tiny man?  
  
"Aibou, is that you?" Yami muttered at the figure. He blinked, his eyesight blurry at first, but it gradually came back and when he looked down, he was greeted with a dazzling smile and stone blue, staring yet unseeing eyes.  
  
And he could have sworn he saw them blink.  
  
"Yami, you okay?" Yugi said as he rushed to his yami's side. When he arrived, Yami had the strangest look on his face. His eyes were blank and glossed over, as if someone had jammed two balls of glass in his head.  
  
"Yami? Yami?" Yami blinked slowly, then shook his head, as if he'd just come out of a trance. His eyes darted around, as if he had no idea where he was, then he looked down at Yugi and shook his head again.  
  
"Ohh, aibou, I feel as if I have trudged through the land of a thousand fires! ...And this doll...showed me the way..." Yami's eyes furrowed as he talked and stared at the doll. Yugi blinked in confusion and opened his mouth to speak, when at that moment Malik and Joey came tumbling through the aisle and smacked right into the Wall o' Pink.  
  
"MY HAIR! GAAARRG!" Malik shouted as Joey grabbed a handful of hair. Malik and Joey wrestled out of the aisle and into the next one, beating each other with boxes as they went. Yami and Yugi stared at the scene a bit longer, shrugged and walked out of the aisle, with Yami still holding the doll.  
  
"So...are you gonna buy that?"  
  
"Buy what?"  
  
"The doll Yami, are you gonna buy the doll?"  
  
"I...guess." Yami said. Joey ran up to the two with a plastic baseball bat and a toy gun...at least it _looked_ like a toy gun.  
  
"Yo man dis dude wants war son!" Joey slurred, shoving Yami and Yugi into the 'Boys 10-16' aisle. They were suddenly surrounded by extremely realistic looking guns of every shape, size, and model. Along the back wall, there were dump trucks that looked like the real thing, and a few weapons of mass destruction, and-  
  
"Is that a nuclear bomb?!" Yugi cried, pointing to the rather large "toy" in the back. Joey clamped a hand over his mouth just as a flurry of corkscrews flew over a shelf at such speeds, they shattered everything they hit. Yami yelped and looked around in confusion, clutching the doll almost protectively. Joey spotted him and seized the doll.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"What is _dis_?! Dude, why you got a Malibu Ken doll?"  
  
"Malibu whatsawhosits?"  
  
"Malibu Ken," Joey said slowly. He handed the Malibu Ken doll back to Yami, who took it, glaring at Joey. Yugi, meanwhile, was having a nervous breakdown and a panic attack all at the same time. Joey picked up a toy .357 and hid behind a shelf. He signaled for Yami to drag Yugi and himself to the one behind him. The store had gone deathly quiet again save for the sound of Yugi's mewling and heavy breathing.  
  
"Okay," Joey whispered "when I start poppin', you start hoppin', got me?"  
  
Yami nodded in understanding. "No."  
  
"Good. Alright, get set boyee!" Joey said. He jumped up from behind the shelf, cocked the gun side ways, and fired away. Malik, who was in the toddler's aisle, began throwing whatever he got his hands on first, which included large play sets and bibs.  
  
"RUN DAMNIT!" Joey shouted over the fire, ducking a giant jungle gym. Yami threw Yugi over his shoulder, grabbed the Malibu Ken doll, and made like a bastard and hauled ass out the store and into the night.  
  
Bakura trudged down the dark streets. This was exactly why he loved daylight savings time: five o'clock and it's darker than Satan's ass in a nightmare. A smirk danced across the man's mouth as he thought of all the junk he could haul in three hours. So immersed was he in his thoughts, he almost didn't hear the three screaming figures.  
  
"MOVE IT OR LOOSE IT!"  
  
"Gyah!" Bakura jumped out of the way just in time as three figures streaked by him. He shook his head, then nearly jumped three feet in the air when the toy store ahead of him exploded into flames. A man ran up with his kid tailing at his heels.  
  
"The LSD! It blew up!"  
  
"Really."  
  
"...What happened?"  
  
"Terrorists?"  
  
"...I'll take that." With that, the man walked off, his kid still whining and trying to catch up. Bakura scratched his head in confusion.  
  
"Riiight." ~~!!~~!!~~!!~~!!~~  
  
"We made it! Boys, welcome to your first robbery!"  
  
Joey stood looking victorious in the middle of Yugi's room, said boy hiding and Yami staring at him.  
  
"Aibou? Come out, it's okay, Joey can't hurt you." No answer. Yami grew irritated and beat on a wall.  
  
"IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!" At last, Yugi meekly stepped out of the closet and quickly darted behind Yami.  
  
"...I looted some toy guns and Yami..." Joey sneered and looked balefully at the Malibu Ken doll that lay on the bed "got a doll. A doll! Then again, Barbie-freaks go fo' dem t'ings."  
  
"What is this all about?"  
  
"Pawning!"  
  
"Joey, I think Grandpa just called you, something about Kendra Jade!"  
  
"What?!" Joey shot out of the room and down the stairs. Sadly, the gust of wind yanked poor little Yugi along with him and out the door. There was a loud crash and Yami gently shut the door. He glanced over at where the Ken doll lay-but it wasn't there? What the hell?  
  
"What the hell? Did Joey loot it too?" He muttered. He walked closer to the bed, eyeing it warily. At the foot lay a small dent to prove the doll had been there.  
  
"Strange..." It was then that he felt something clutch his ankle. When he looked down, lo and behold the Malibu Ken doll was at his ankle.  
  
"Yah! It walks?"  
  
"I do more than walk!" The doll said in an eerie, creepy, doll-like voice. Yami, as with any person, freaked and somehow fell over. On the way down he whacked his head on the bed post and fell to the ground....dead. Yes, dead. The Ken doll gave a gay cackle and sat back on the bed, waiting for Yugi to come back in. ____________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
Mwa hahaha. Yes, a cliff hanger. Much thanks as ever to Sazza for the beta! Maybe you've heard of her.  
  
DD: Heh! See you on the next part.  
  
Cell: Feedback always appreciated. 


End file.
